When I turn off the music, and look up from my notes in the middle of the night, I feel hopeless. Everything I do, seems wortless. No matter how hard I try, I feel inadequate.
I knew that college would be hard, but to feel helpless doing a problem set that all your friends completed in like an hour, does make you wonder if you are really as good as you thought you were.
You sit in the classroom, taking the same notes as everyone else, listening to the same professor as everyone, and then fail the test unlike everyone else. It’s not imposter syndrome, it’s the raw feeling of realising that the potential everyone saw in you was non-existent. It’s the breakdown of every belief you had in yourself.
People don’t understand why you are acting the way you are but they haven’t been a part of your glory days. So they don’t know what it feels like to go from being the smartest person in the room to the weakest link in the chain.
You feel inadequate, helpless and most of all disappointment.